Or else all the chickens will run out and be killed by eagles or harriers and then the donkey will run out and be run over by a car and then the goat will run out and eat all of your garden and the horse will run out and poop on your driveway and the cow will run out and stand in the road, causing a huge backup during rush hour and…


That’s no fun.

BTW, some jackass (no, not the ACTUAL jackass) left another gate open on the field and one of the goats did run away last night.

His name is Spudley. He’s a strawberry blonde, likes to nibble on hair and is very fresh. Have you seen him?

That’s him on the left. The guy on the right is a real wise guy and WILL try to have sex with you. I’m just kidding but that’s what my sister in law told me when I met them.

I am a innisent bystandr

 Want to see what I look like?

Well too bad.

Probably thinking about Taco Bell.

This is where I do my important intraweb research. Yes, that is my manly foot.

I am so dirty by the end of the day that I must take a bath. Anyone have a good recommendation for getting the dirt out from underneath fingernails? I bought a cheap toothbrush but it doesn’t work. I just have to get used to the fact that I WILL BE DIRTY.

I love it here.

I feel so much better, so much healthier. I can’t wait for good things to start happening.

I am lucky.


I Have Arrived. Now What?

I am here! I haven’t started blogging yet!

So much happening.

This is Napoleon. He’s very small. He knows this.

That’s one of his girlfriends on the left. Don’t make fun. Size don’t matter!

These things also live here.

That’s not a horse. It’s Nightlinger, the nicest dog ever. But she keeps the bad guys out.

This is the best tub ever. Please be very jealous.

I thought I liked goats.

I was wrong.

These two are assholes!

I will write more tomorrow about my farm days.

It is so wonderful here.

The “If Game” (Aka, I have no idea what to write for now.)

Forgive me. I totally stole this idea from:

Because we’re all still in the “getting to know you” stage.

Here goes:

If I were a month I’d be September

If I were a day I’d be Sunday

If I were a time of day I’d be 7 PM

If I were a font I’d be Century Gothic

If I were a sea animal I’d be a manatee

If I were a direction I’d be North

If I were a piece of furniture I’d be a sleigh bed

If I were a liquid I’d be rain

If I were a gemstone I’d be a ruby

If I were a tree I’d be a dogwood

If I were a tool I’d be a level

If I were a flower I’d be a daffodil

If I were an element of weather I’d be clouds

If I were a musical instrument I’d be a drum

If I were a color I’d be white

If I were an emotion I’d be compassion

If I were a fruit I’d be a Macintosh apple

If I were a sound I’d be a heartbeat

If I were an element I’d be calcium

If I were a car I’d be a 2003 red Honda Civic

If I were a food I’d be mashed potatoes and gravy

If I were a place I’d be the Blue Ridge Mountains

If I were a taste I’d be vanilla ice cream

If I were a scent I’d be Ivory Snow

If I were a body part I’d be a hand

If I were a song I’d be Claire de Lune

If I were a bird I’d be a tufted titmouse

If I were a gift I’d be something personalized

If I were a city I’d be Burlington, VT

If I were a door I’d be a red door

If I were a pair of shoes I’d be some comfy Merrell’s

If I were a poem I’d be Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Wow. I am definitely Pisces.

But I do have a killer sense of humor.

Oh, sarry. I farted.

Blogging: I Haven’t Been

Once I am settled in Virginia I will blog like once a day. TWICE a day!

Maybe not. For now I am packing (ugggh) and labeling (oooghhh), waiting for the May move date. So much to do.

 I hate  moving. I would rather give birth than move. Well, maybe not because I’ve never given birth but at least at the end you have a cute, little baby.

I will have 37,000 boxes to fold and recycle and miles of masking tape, stuck to everything. And probably some broken picture frames because I am an irresponsible packer.

Until my new life adventure begins, here is a brand new armpit vagina.

(Movie preview man voice) “Coming soon:  The Armpit Vagina 2: Lost in New York.  May 2010.”

They are everywhere. I don’t think I can ever go sleeveless again.


Yes, I have been a horrible, neglectful blogger.

And I don’t have a good excuse. More tomorrow. I hope.

And why aren’t my pictures loading? Sheesh.

Did Someone Say Titmouse?

Did I ever mention that I love birds?

My mom sent me some pics from Virginia.

Behold, the elusive tufted titmouse!

And this cute little wren:

Still waiting for the chickadee.

Sleepless, long nights

Watch this after a couple beers and your faith in humanity will be restored. Yes, I know the song is like two years old. Just watch it.