Doxycycline Doldrums

I have a serious case of the Doldrums. Acute doldrums.

It’s all because of this damn pill that should be curing my Rocky Mountain Fever but is making me sick as a dog. A dog infected with ticks that have Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

Anyone who has ever been on a long-term course of antibiotics knows what I’m talking about. Everything feels “off.”

My stomach is constantly gurgling and sputtering. The food I eat becomes a molten pool of lava, bubbling around the bottom of my volcano stomach. Pssssssssssshhh. fart.

If I don’t take the pill on a full stomach, it will all come back up in exactly 50 minutes.

Funny, the thought of eating makes me want to barf but I have to eat to take the pill.

I had gone 20 months without vomiting.  I was trying to beat Jerry Seinfeld’s record of 14 years. Remember the episode where they’re waiting in the bakery for the babka and he eats that black and white cookie? 

I wasn’t even close.

I’m eating so much yogurt that for the first time in my life there are NO expired yogurt containers in my fridge. I gave up buying the 6 packs and fun, exotic flavors and just bought the Stonyfield Plain quart. That is so boring.

I thought I could eat Taco Bell tonight.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

Can I please point out that they are building a new Taco Bell across the street from me. This is bad news. And no one wants to eat that fresco shit. I need a 5 layer burrito!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will be curled up on the couch praying that the gastrointestinal gods are pleased with my offerings and will leave me alone.

Click to see. “Look to the cookie!”

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One response to this post.

  1. Okay, I didn’t read your doldrums comment, I just really liked your comment one the Dooce Community about the light on over the stove….maybe you should look up the article someone quoted to me about how much energy it takes to turn on and off lights. They claimed that we would actually use less energy if we would just leave all our lights on 24/7. My Dad uses the same argument about cars to my Mom,he says if you are only going to literally be a couple minutes you waste more gas turning off the car and having to restart it then just leaving it on….I don’t understand it’s and engineer thing

    Reply

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